Madballs, Weird Balls, Super Bouncing Weird Balls, Monster Balls, Blurp Balls, Krazy Balls, Freakballs, Squirt Devils and other nameless imitations.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Jurassic Barf!

"Squeeze Me, I Scream!"

Madball creationists suggest that God created monsterballs somewhere on the 4th day. Recent studies, however, have suggested that they are the result of eons of selective grossness. The most compelling proof of this theory are Dino Balls.
I've always loved dinosaurs. From when I was a kid to now as an adult. They probably have a big hand in why I love monsters so much. I mean, they're basically nature's monsters! Ancient, full of fangs, mysterious and ready to eat us (theoretically).
I honestly don't know squat about these idiots. They were found during one of my many time-killing Ebay search sprees at work. The packaging says "Placo Products" and has a date of 1996 but the most lucrative search for Placo yeilded to this. Not much. WHOEVER they were, they really made some bizarre monsters here.

Mostly dinosaur but partly ball, the three different Dino Balls are awesome! They're really well sculpted and finely detailed dinosaur heads made out of durable squeezable rubber and just kinda grow out of baseballs?! That's right. The fronts are these monstrous dino heads and the back sides are like fleshy, scaley baseballs. Ew. The most terrifying thing about them is their "scream". It almost gave me a heart attack the first time I squeezed (squoze?) it. It's a really high pitched party favor-esque squeel that drives cats into a frenzy (it's true, I tested it).
We'll go for the most famous first. T-Rex! He's really neat. I'm really into the balance of cuteness and menacing detail they perfected on these. The front of this T-Rex is kinda cute with rounded features and a semismile. However, the side reveals that flappy leather skin and shiny gums! They even sculpted the tongue and the roof of his mouth! There's one more detail they all have that I'm confused by:
Each one of these morons has "CRUSHERS" stamped on its head-butt (or butt head). The series isn't called Crushers it's called Dino Balls. Was there a larger series that these were a part of?! Who knows. We won't. It's a mystery for the Madballologists.
After him is a dude simply named "Carnosaurs", which is definitely not a dinosaur name. It's the name of a GROUP of dinosaurs, and an awful Roger Corman movie, but not a single species. However, I commend the dudes at Placo for goin all out with the colors on this dork. Dinosaurs could have been any color and the bland grey and green ones are snooooorrrrrinnngggg. Carnosaur has two shades of blue and two shades of green on him as well as black spikes! From the front his dude is pretty gruesome, but from the side he looks like a mutant caterpillar. Maybe that's how dinosaurs mature? Someone call Science and let them know the "egg" theory is incorrect. He's also the only one of these nerds that has any blood. That gash on his eye must smart!
Lastly is good ol' Triceratops, friend to children. He's the cutest out of this bunch but he's still pretty gnarly. The dude is screaming and he's REALLY wrinkly. His neck flap and baseball ass are super gross too. I get the feeling that the blunt horns and spikes and whatnot that give the illusion of cuteness are actually just practical, so kids didn't lose and eye or two while tossing these at their siblings.
I really do appreciate how well these dudes are painted. Check out these details. Scars and fangs!
Summary. YES! Monster ball/dinosaur combination is a great idea. The screaming is really unsettling and they look so cool! My only complaint is that they could be a little grosser.

7 comments:

  1. I can't believe I've never seen Dino Balls before, I need some! Reminds me of Dinosaurs Attack cards I had as a kid! If you you're talking Madball offshoots how about Blurp Balls? I have a bunch of them. They were designed by the same guys that made Madballs, but they all shot something out of their mouths. Like a vampire shooting a heart or a shark with its scuba diver prey. Awesome.

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  2. ohhhh dude, I actually want to write about Blurp Balls but I only have one at this point (the vampire) although i JUST won an ebay lot that had the skeleton in it, so maybe once that gets here.

    also you still have time.

    http://cgi.ebay.com/DINO-BALL-CARNOSAURS-SCARY-DINOSAUR-BASEBALL-MIP-1996_W0QQitemZ300408846618QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item45f1c3391a

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  3. I found one at estate sale, but it doesn't squeak, I thought it was a water squirter :) oops, my bad, but it is cool looking !!

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  4. Hey Guys, I'm the guy who sculpted these. We also had hand puppets with a sound chip called Dino Crushers and Safari Crushers.

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    Replies
    1. hey can you tell me if the baseball dinos had the option to change out the battery?

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    2. There doesn't seem to be a sound chip in the Dino Balls at least - it's manual. It's an ultra-loud squeaker activated by air when you squeeze it. I don't have the puppets, so those may be battery operated.

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