Madballs, Weird Balls, Super Bouncing Weird Balls, Monster Balls, Blurp Balls, Krazy Balls, Freakballs, Squirt Devils and other nameless imitations.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Grosser Than a Speeding Booger

"Freaky Fun For Everyone"

The revamp of the Madballs line in 2007 and the following rip offs (Squirt Devils, I Poppers etc) are what got me back into collecting these ugly monsters again. I kinda forgot how awesome those original dudes were. They were gross and monstrous but their simplicity is what made them amazing. Most of them aren't too complicated or detailed, they're just really well designed monster balls. It wasn't that big of a surprise because I had many of the ones that I've recently reacquired (and carried around until there was no paint left on them), but I never had the three Super Madballs. Sigh. Just the name evokes a feeling of awe and splendor. "Oh, you thought those little creeps were cool? Check these guys out...they're SUPER! Yeah you COULD gross out your little brother with this teeny tiny Slobulus, OR you could BE A MAN and SCARE HIM TO DEATH WITH FOUL SHOT!!!" Ok, maybe that's not exactly what it's like but whatever, you're no better than me.
As with Rude Ralph, I had NO IDEA how big these guys were or what they were made out of. I actually had more referance with Rude Ralph because I had at least seen him in stores when I was a kid. Again the scale shocked me. Check out Goal Eater with Skull Face there. These were actual ball size! Well, I guess Madballs were baseball size but these were like big ball size! ANDDDD I also had no idea that Super Madballs were INFLATABLE! They're made from the same material as a football or basketball. I thought from pics they were just larger foam balls (like Worm Skull) but it turns out they're pretty usable rubber balls. Well, usable until you get hit on the brow with one of Foul Shots hard rubber worms.
There are only three Super Madballs, probably because it takes a lot of Madballology and Scare Science to create one. AND they're harder to contain because they're big. If they formed some sort of monster ball union you'd be screwed.

The three that exist are all modeled after real sports balls. Goal Eater here is a soccer monster of some sort. He's my least favorite but he's actually been growing on me. I think it's mostly because he's a cool monster but not too gross. His design reminds me of My Pet Monster rather than a Madball. He's got a gnarly grin and some CRAZY eyes but there's not too much slime and only a few stitches. I guess he's way better than a plain ol' soccer ball.
Actually, even in the time it takes me to write this Goal Eater has endeared himself to me a bit more. I love his absurdly giant teeth and especially the broken one with the exposed nerves. That's pretty gnarly. And what the hell happened to the tooth above that?! it looks like he got hit in the face with an icepick! Being a Super Madball is rough business.

His caveman brow cupping his bulging bloodshot angry eyes are pretty neat too. I guess he may not be the grossest but he looks like he may be the meanest.

Also, all the Super Madballs have customized butt-stamps that say their names and brands. Just in case they get lost you can send them home to Orb.

Foul Shot here may not looks so good in pics..well, I was unimpressed when I saw him on the internet (oh I wish he had a Facebook page), but in real life this dude rules! It's as if someone killed a guy and tried to hide his corpse in a basketball, then that dude came back to life all messed up and wormy and then busted out of the basketball! I wish I could come up with some Crypt Keeper-esque puns.Both this dude's eyes are wrecked and basically unusable but the worm one is really really nausea inducing. It's a puckered empty socket filled with pink squishy looking worms! I think that alone wins this guy the Grossest award for Super Madballs, but the other eye is all bulgy, veiny and useless too!

His teeth are more sculpted in a more Ghastly comic book style than most other Madballs but I think it works. Oof and his nose! Or rather, lack there of. It's all bubbly in the middle for some reason?! What would that even be?! Zombie boogers? I bet that smells awful.

Last and most certainly not least, is Touchdown Terror. Hand's down he's the coolest of the three, being a combo monster, football AND missle! I wish I had this when I was a kid. He's so cool! He's got the angry and gross bases covered and covered well. His menacing maw and burly brow make him look like he'll attack the hell out of you if you even attempt to catch him.
Both his eyes are pretty intense but the one in the detail is nastiest. It's like Madball pink eye, or maybe he got punched and his eye got infected. One of the other tiny details that really disturbs me is the screws holding his shark teeth together. I hate the idea of a Madball dentist! He'd probably only have a saw, one of those old timey hand cranked drills and a GIANT needle that wasn't filled with anything. The last detail up there is the thing that really really grosses me out. The bumps on a regular football kind taper off and become warts or zits on his lip! Ugh, add a skin condition to the list of awful sicknesses afflicting Touchdown Terror.

In conclusion, these dudes are totally cool. Larger, more usable and more detailed than their baseball sized siblings, Super Madballs also hold up better over time. The paint on the one's I have is still intact and the only thing really wrong with them is that they don't hold air very well. They show up fairly often on Ebay and are totally worth the price they go for. Do it! And check out this commercial!

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