Me Gusta "Balls"

"El Sonido Del Terror"

From what I can tell Madballs really took off in Argentina. Whenever I do an Ebay search for Madball items, without fail an Argentinian deck of Madball cards, or an Argentinian Madball activity book comes up. I don't really know why. If anyone out there has a South American studies background and can provide some insight into the psyche of the country in the late 80's, and why gross ball toys were so popular, this would be a very valuable use of your time.

Anyway, the Argentinian company Miluplast also made their very own knock off versions! I've been eyeballing these guys for a while now, but I only recently managed to get a full set into my slime stained hands and ohhhh man, I think they're my favorite imitations to date!

These are all the same hollow inflatable plastic that Sadballs are made out of, and they they seem a bit goofier. Like, more cartoonish but still retaining the requisite grossness of actual Madballs. They're all packaged in a similar style as well but these are part of a series. The cards all say "El Sonido Del Terror" which translates to "The Sound Of Terror". I'm not really sure what that has to do with Madball fakes? I mean, I guess they would make pretty terrifying sounds. Farts and whatnot.
However, I'm inclined to think it was some sort of mistake. All of the packages have smaller stickers over the "Sonida" part which say "La Pelota Del Terror". That translates to "The Ball Of Terror" or "Terror Balls". Look at that logo! Those little skulls for the "o"s are really classy. Each of the balls also comes equipped with one of those stickers on its rear, covering it's shame, over the air hole that was used to initially inflate them. Ew. The stickers have the logo and each balls individual name (unlike Sadballs). Pretty cool! It makes me think the designers were pretty into making them. We'll talk about the packaging more in a bit.

Just a note, although I've been to Argentina, Colombia, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Mexico, Peru and Spain I speak very little to no Spanish. So my translations are not to be trusted. Most of them are gleaned from various internet searches and Babelfish. Forgive me.
First up is Tuerto Loco (One-eyed Crazy Person) and if that Babelfish translation is accurate then hat's off Miluplast! This dude seems like a Bash Brain copy but with his eye actually hanging out (a la Slobulus), a skull nose and his tongue waggin in the wind. You can see the similarities of the mouth shape, stitches and skull exposure in this pic. I'm pretty sure a forensic specialist has typed that sentence before.
Fantasma (Ghost) is a wacky Dust Brain. There's barely any difference, except he does have some sweet buck teeth and a bulging eye! You can also see that the paint job is way better on Dust Brain, but this guy still has a stupid charm and there was some effort to distinguish him from his American counterpart.Dientudo (Toothy) is my favorite and probably the most bizarre. He's some sort of skull with a cartoon nose, dog ears and two horns wayyyy at the top of his head. He reminds me of Charlie Brown's skull. Or maybe if Snoopy and Charlie Brown were genetically spliced and then in some horrible acid related accident that melted the flesh of most of their face. And gave them horns.
Check out the similarities to Skull Face here. Those tombstone-teeth are really similar, but actually the resemblance ends there. I mean, I know Miluplast was just aping all the Madballs characters but a lot of these are pretty original. Weird, but original. Pesadilla (Nightmare) is a sweet name! He looks pretty nightmarish to me! He also looks pretty original. Granted there are some similarities to Slobulus and Aargh but I think he's got his own thing goin on here. Like he got punched in the eye (so hard that it popped the other one out a bit) and is really really angry about it.
Broncudo (Angry) is probably the most unique of the whole gang. He looks simultaniously frightened, shocked and mad. Maybe because worms are busting out of the sides of his head?! He's full of stitches too but they may be baseball laces or Madball-type wound stiches. Either way I dig him. I dub thee second favorite!
Lengua Larga (Long Language, my best guess Big Mouth or Long Tongue) is our last guy and ohhh man is he a rip off. The other guys were very strongly "inspired" by other Madballs, but this dude is straight imitation. Aside from the material used to make him and the missing tooth this guy is EXACTLY Screamin Meemie. But, I do think the missing tooth is a great touch! Shape of the nose, mouth, tongue, teeth and the placement of the stitches are all identical. His eyes are a bit different making him look a little less sinister than Screamin Meemie.
I also wanted to showcase some of the fine grosserific details of the Terror Balls. As you can see, most of Tuerto Loco's Skull is exposed and then a portion of that is cracked revealing his brain (which kinda looks like meal worms). Dientudo's odd brow ridge peaks in some sweet curvy horns while Pesadilla's skin is split (very vaginally...ew) to show the bone beneath. Gross and cool details! More often than not only a monster ball's face is used to display horrid details, it's good to see someone making use of all that surface area.
I couldn't talk about these nerds without mentioning the sweet cards they come on. I already mentioned how cool that logo is but look at those illustrations! They look like bizarre 70's stlye cartoons run amock in grossout land! The toys themselves seem pretty faithful to the illustrations making me think that that's where the cartoony element of Terror Balls comes from.

In conclusion, BUY THESE! They're super fun, detailed, not extra hard to find and they've held up well over the years. There's still a few available on Ebay or you could contact me because I accidentally bought doubles!

You can check out more of them on this sweet Argentinian Madball page.

A Reading From the Book Of Weird

"Ugly Face Mask Included!"

The all powerful Gross Face sent his testament down to men in the year ninteen hundred and eighty six. And he said unto men "GGGGLLLLAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH"!

The testament was, of course, the glorious Ugly Faces coloring book. Ugly Faces is the bible of Madballology, and much like the Christian bible it makes no sense, but at least it takes place in space and comes with a mask! I would've made my confirmation if I could've done it wearing that cut out!

Released in the mid '80's Playmore Inc's coloring book was sold at Kmart's (that's what the sticker said on the one I got from Ebay) and Bradlees around the country (for one paltry dollar!) to skim a little off the the top of the Madball mania. Norman Nodel, known for the "Classics Illustrated" series he worked on in the '50's , was hired to illustrate the book. It may also be noted that good ol' Norm had a few stories in Creepy and Eerie, upping his cred for this project.

The "story" starts much like a Manowar song, with some children asking Grandfather to tell them a story. Except these children aren't American kids feigning British accents but instead floating monster heads.

The story he goes on to tell, suggests that Grandfather used to party back in the day and is having trouble telling hallucination from reality. I know the dudes an elderly disembodied monster head but still. I also wonder what kind of drugs Madballs would do? Maybe snort lines of puke or free base some pus. And how do you wear a trench coat as a Madball drug dealer? You've got no body! Anyway...
Gramps starts yarnin' about these intergalactic slugs that start exploring space. Yup. While they're on their mission they go through an asteroid belt that actually turns out to be "ugly faces". The ugly dudes, don't say anything but lead them on a stellar journey.

Why are there monster faced balls floating about in space? Why is one of them a fleshy doughnut with an eye in the middle? Where is Gramps now? None of these questions are answered within. However, we should take a second to look at some of these faces and soak in how cool they are. Lots of jagged teeth and extra eyes! The dude below with the two faces is one of my faves.
They go to the oval planet where they meet oval headed dudes...
They go to the square planet where they meet square headed guys and the triangle planet where...you guessed it...they meet triangle headed guys. The whole journey the slugs can't get over how ugly everyone is. The ovals, squares, triangle and of course their chaparones, the ugly faces.
We also take a short break for a CENTEFOLD!!! I love the oppressive all seeing monster head and that awesome Tri-face! The dude in the lower right is a bit more confusing. So his face houses one giant eyeball, and that eyeball acts as an upper lip for his mouth and the lower lip acts as a lower lid for the giant eye?! His ears are normal though. The last part of the story the ugly faces lead them to earth where some humans see them and then start talking about how ugly the slugs are. Like that Twilight Zone episode Eye Of the Beholder, that's supposed to teach you to not be mean to people who look different. However, the tool that's used to teach the lesson are bigoted human children. So, it's almost as if the moral is "be a jerk so that other space races will know not to be jerks themselves".

So after you're done reading the story and you don't color in the pictures, cus you know some 31 year old dork will want to pay 12 times the cover price in 24 years, you get ready to put the book down, satisfied with the sermon that you've read. Then BAM! the back cover hits your eyeballs so hard they almost pop! What the heck is that?! Why, it's only a sweet sweet cut out paper Madball mask! IN FULL COLOR! AND EXTRA GROSS! Drippy flesh, dastardly fangs, bubbly green warts, veiny brains, and oh so many bloodshot eyes will make you the envy of all your friends. Well, I'll let you know how it goes November 1, 2010.

In conclusion, this book is really cool. The illustrations are great, the tens (!) of monster balls that Nodel created for this book are all sweet looking and really gross, the centerfold is oppressive and creepy and the mask...god that mask! So, if you come across this thing, BUY IT! You won't regret it and then you can pray to the mighty Gross Face from the privacy of your own home.

Listen..Do You Smell Something?

"They're Scary With Ghostly Glow"

The success of Madballs in the 80's led to many a knock off as can be witnessed in this blog. However, not many licensed characters got rendered in ball form. The only ones I could think of were the Universal Monsters as Monster Balls. Then I found this on Ebay. Actually, I found it and tried to ignore it for months, because it's stupid. But then that same ungodly stupidity kept drawing me back to it and I became obsessed, cracked under the pressure and bought it. I present to you one of two Ghostbusters Ghost Balls.
Where, oh where, to begin with this piece of crap? Like the Sadballs discussed in my last post, this nameless dude (let's call him Sammy) is made of inflatable rubber and very sparsely painted. Actually there's four colors on there but they're barely applied. Maybe a ghost of a pissed off sweat shop worker painted them. "OOOOooooOOOooo screw you Colombia Pictures.....Herreeesssss a crappy paint job for your stupid rip off tooyyyyyyy" or something.

It's just a crotchety old man with demonic cat eyes, second-thought fangs and fancy ears. Seriously, those ears are cool, very Art Deco which fits with the movie. NO! I can't give those bastards that sort of credit. Even if the ear is cool, when the ear of a monster headed ball is the coolest part then you severely botched it. Yeah he's got gross warts on him and a pretty neat head ridge but those only slightly distract me from his Ernest Borgnine mug.
The packaging is slightly better than the item itself. It is pretty bare bones but it's got a "cool" explosion on the right of the ball and Egon looking shocked and appalled on the left. The Ghost Balls logo is my favorite part though. That Slimer rendition is pretty sweet. I'm not sure if that's reused artwork for something else or made specifically for this hunk of ass but its neat. In fact, I'm not too up to speed on Ghostbusters toys in general, so Sammy could be an actual charater. Like the ghost of a Ernest Borgnine. I doubt it though.
The back side reveals that there's actually two of these idiots. "Collect them all". There's only two. I don't even have the energy to italicize that because I'm so exasperated by this awful toy.

The bummer is that most Ghostbusters toys are pretty cool and unique. This degenerate seems like a sad attempt at sponging off a much smaller market even though Ghostbusters toys were raking in the money. The copyright on here says 1986, just about the time Madballs came out making me think that it was a rush job. End result crap. I still haven't been able to get it to glow in the dark! Granted it's over 20 years old at this point but I didn't thing glowing stopped. I should look that up.

In conclusion, avoid at all costs. I mean we're not talking Super Bouncing Weird Ball level garbage but not too far removed. Not worth the money they were charging for them in '86 and certainly not worth the Ebay price I paid in '10.

A Journey Into the Unknown

"No Comment"

The world of Madball imitations is seemingly limitless and ranges from disgustingly gorgeous to dreadfully abysmal. Lovingly designed creeps like Weird Balls, Blurp Balls and Wacki Balls may lack originality but make up for it in detail and style. Then there's the bottom of the barrel dudes like Super Bouncing Weird Balls and Foul Balls that were obviously churned out to make a quick buck but are worth while for their clumsy awfulness.

As you get deeper into the world of monster face ballery, you realize there are some fakes out there, that just don't have names. They're not part of any series and were molded and remolded, packaged and repackaged, painted and repainted a million times. They have no brand name or individual names, but have been dubbed "Sadballs". The attributes they share are that they're the general size and shape of Madballs, they're all made of soft inflatable rubber, they're limited to 3-4 colors, and they usually have "Taiwan" stamped on their underside.

Many of them are also packaged similarly in a plastic bag stapled to a card, but the cards vary from ball to ball. In fact some of the exact same balls have been packed with different cards or on the same cards but made with different colored plastic.
While there are a dozens of these nameless dudes there are six that are almost as recognizable as Madballs themselves and have even been bootlegged and imitated.

First up is one of my favorites. Dubbed "Blood Bulge" at Weirdo Toys (I really like the names Justin gave them so I'm sticking with them), this purple dude is a grotesque....thing. Maybe a vampire skull but probably just a lazy attempt at a monster, Blood Bulge at least isn't a direct knock off of a particular Madball. His skull(ish) nose and cracked back side contrast with his fangs and gore filled mouth. Let's not skim over that.
His features may be pretty simplistic but that mouth is really highly detailed and makes him look like he's been chowing down on disgusting viscera. That combined with that disgusting bulgy eye makes him on of the grossest rip offs I've ever encountered.
Even though the Ugly Ball is inspired by Skull Face and Evel Kneival is reminiscent of Dust Brain, there was some minor attempt to redesign them. Not well, mind you, but redesigned nontheless. "Lace Face" on the other hand, is a stolen mold. I doubt there was espionage in the world of monster faced balls involving men in black masks jumping over lasers to get to the secret Madball sculpts, but someone definitely remolded this dude directly from Aargh.
The shape of the mouth, the pig nose, the furrowed brow and the the stitches are all directly taken from Aargh. The ONLY difference, aside from the paint job, is that Lace Face has a smaller eye, while Aargh's non-bugged eye is squinted shut. It's odd because Aargh is one of my least favorite Madballs, but tends to be one of the most imitated.
"Evil Knievel" is one of the more baffling of the Sadballs. I think he's supposed to be wrapped up like he's hurt as opposed to mummified, but he does still look like Dust Brain.

Now why he's wrapped up is a different question. The fangs poking out and the blue skin suggest that he's a vampire, so maybe he's got a really bad sunburn? Or he's a tooth daredevil that's had a run of bad luck. Very similar to Blood Bulge and the Ugly Ball, this dude doesn't have a lot of detail, but he is a cool specimen of 80's fakery.
This one is my absolute favorite and I've often wondered why there weren't more devilish Madball rip offs. It seems like such an obvious monster figure. The sculpt on this demon is a bit different from the others. While it shares the simplicity of them, it's a better stylization. The rendered mustache and cracks in the horns help carry the basic nose, teeth and eyes. Along with Blood Bulge "Dirty Devil" is the only truely original Sadball.
Up next is a nerd I've named Broken Brain. He's an odd rendition of Bash Brain just with a Screamin' Meemie face and one eyeball larger than the other. He's not particularly painted or designed very well and his face is uncomplicated except of a few wrinkles but he makes up for it in his exposed brain! It may be the texture of the rubber or the oddly spray painted colors but this gray matter icks me out more so than any Madballs with bust skulls. It reminds me of Hellraiser II when Dr. Channard is performing surgery and talking about labyrinths or Josh's obsession with "maggot brain". Most of these guys are nameless imitations made by faceless companies trying to make a quick buck. This last dude, however, isn't so mysterious. He was a promotional gift released by Nabisco for their Bonkers candy during the height of the Madball craze. There were even nightmarish commercials advertising the "Ugly Ball" with a family that had lifesize Ugly Ball heads! All you had to do was mail in ten Bonkers wrappers and they would ship one to your doorstep. He does share all the other characteristics of Sadballs though.



Aside from his association with human-assaulting candy the Ugly Ball is pretty uninspired. He's a monstrous skull dude with a big red tongue. Kinda boring especially when you compare him to Skull Face who's got awesome flair (I seriously love those keyhole eye sockets)! The nose and teeth are surely lifted from the Madball design, but the rest of him has nothing goin on. I'm not really sure why he doesn't work as well. Most of the vintage Madballs are really simple, but their imitators almost always fall flat. I half expect it from the nameless imitators but from a company like Nabisco that's using a toy for a promotional gimmick? Nothing better?
That said, these ugly buggers are pretty neat and considering the depths that some fakes sink to, these aren't actually THAT bad. I do like these a lot, and maybe my reviews have been a bit harsh. They have a certain budget charm that Krazy Balls are missing.

In conclusion, try to find these guys. They're very odd, hold up fairly well to againg and are some of the more iconic examples of Madball fakery. Some of them go on Ebay for a decent amount but others slip through the cracks and sell for a few bucks.

Greetings From Bogarrrhhhtá

"Los Monstruos Del Amor"

Hey dudes and grossos. Sorry, it's been a while since my last post but I was just on vacation in Colombia! Now, you may be asking yourself what that has to do with Mad/Sadballs and I'll tell you. In between museum hopping and Caribbean beach swimming, I dug through some sweet Bogotá flea markets.

I haven't really been toy hunting in other countries because I don't speak any other languages and "How do you get to the vintage toy store" is not in my pantomime repertoire. However, the Lonely Planet Colombia book actually lists two flea markets held every Sunday and mentioned how full of old junk they were! Barely any work for me to do except walk there!
The first one was right off of Carrera 7 near the National Museum (where the mummy section was closed..sigh) and it was a great one. There was some newer bootleg stuff BUT most of it was old crap! We're talking books, clothes, furniture, various parts to various machines, and above all...toys. LOTS of toys. Of course there was an abundance of Happy Meal toys but a lot of it was old bootleg action figures, vintage toy cars, and so weird homemade stuff.
It was a chance for me to practice the age old art of haggling. And I'm kind of good at it. I bargained my way down on some stuff for Jeanne and also a few gifts for people. It is kind of sad thinking that you're bartering over the equivalent of a 50cents, but it's the way things work.

Our next stop was a flea market just off of Avenida Jiménez near our hostel, Cranky Croc (turns out it was an accurate name. The dude that ran it was a very grumpy Aussie). This one was way more sprawling and filled with the same sorts of stuff. Jeanne was the winner of the day, scoring a metal Hand Of Glory that used to be a belt buckle, a deck of really funny Colombian tarot cards, and a few small frames. Madball collecting has made flea markets a little difficult for me. There was tons of fun stuff but since my focus is so narrow it's way harder to find something I want to buy. The flea markets yielded some gifts for Josh and Justin from Weirdo Toys, but my big find was actually at a small book store on the way to the flea market. Jeanne spotted these nasty things hanging under some old activity books and we swooped in for a closer looks. I'll admit these aren't exactly Madball ripoffs but they are definitely in the same spirit. The first guy really looks Madball inspired and either way they gross me out. Look at the details. Everything is pulpy and covered in veins.
They're also not really cards, even though they come with giant envelopes. They're a single piece of embossed plastic that have snarky sayings on them. Maybe they're intended for anonymous creepy Valentine's Day gifts?

That first dude is really cool. He's riding his bike so fast that his rotten flesh is ripping off his face and appendages! AND from what I can gather he's saying "Cycling Is My Life...So What!". Damn dude! Not only are you a bicycling monster but you have an attitude about it. This guy evokes thoughts of Bash Brain and maybe even Slobulus. I don't know if that was the intention but it seems so.

The next guy is really gross too. He reminds me of the H.P. Lovecraft story The Thing On the Doorstep. Just a rotten pile of sloughing flesh and bubbling innards. Ew. Definitely a zombie, and not so much a Sadball, I wouldn't have included him here if it weren't for his cycling friend who seems to be some sort of Madball imitation. This guy has the same 'tude as his buddy. If my translation is correct (which I'm sure it isn't) he's saying "What Are You Looking At...Idiot!". You're a rotten pile! What do you think we're looking at?!In conclusion, I love junk hunting in other countries. You can find bizarre out of print or discontinued stuff that would never find its way to Ebay. Expect a more Madballs relevant post soon!

Speak Of the Devils

"Horrible Series"

The new line of Madballs re-piqued my interest in monster-shaped balls, but it was actually these awful dudes that got me into the spiraling world of knock offs. Squirt Devil's are available (even still) at every Dollar Tree I've been to, and are surprisingly cool. I still don't know why they're called Squirt Devils though. They are hollow rubber that you can fill with water to "squirt" at friends, but none of them are devils, or even demons. I guess Squirt Monsters didn't sound as good?

If you can make your way past the broken frames and cheap dish soap to the toy aisle in your local Dollar Tree, you may still be deceived by the Squirt Devil packaging. Not a single solitary package is uncrushed. Which makes it look like you're buying a red piece of "fake vomit" with a rip off Madball logo. I still can't figure out why this is. Other items at dollar tree are fine, but ALL of these are squished in the same way. Perhaps the vacuum sealing at the factory worked too well? But fear not intrepid monster ball purchaser, they will resume their spherical form once released from their plastic prison! There is something else misleading about the packaging. The image in the upper right suggests you fill these idiots with water, then they explode when squeezed. Not so. They have one hole in their mouths or eyes that shoots water, not five.

One thing that isn't a lie is the "Horrible Series" moniker. There is another set that is more like the "Sick Series" of Madballs, where you squeeze them and brains or gross pops out of a spot in their heads. Lame. As I've stated before, I hate that kind of tacky dust-collecting rubber. The odd thing is that those are called "Crazy Ballz" and are also in the "Horrible Series". Maybe that is a lie? I don't get it. OK, let's get to the dudes.

First up is the Crack Head (Bash Brain) imitation I've dubbed Frankie. All these sculpts are pretty cool and very well detailed despite very limited paint jobs. Frankie has the protruding eye and exposed brain of Crack Head but also some stitches, sloughing skin, hair, and a sinister grin. The color is almost exactly the same as the revamp of Bash Brain from 07, but he still has his own charm. The designer that sculpted these definitely had his own style.
Sniffles is next on our list. He seems to be the least derivative of all the Devils ans looks more like a straight zombie than any Madball or imitation I've seen. Maybe it's the sunken cheeks and exposed teeth? He's also got a LOT of sloughing skin and general slime. This paint job is particularly bad though. I'm assuming that's an eyebrow and NOT a caterpillar above his left eye but that color makes it hard to tell. And is that a piece of skull or a pyramid coming out of his head (all these shots are face, one side and top of head at the end)?
Bounce-bounce is my favorite. He's also less plagiarized than some of the others and looks like a general monster. I really like the bizarre Klingon-esque ridge atop his head. The screw that goes all the way through is a ice touch as well as his slimey face. Come to think of it, his face reminds me a lot of a Boglin. I like that. I wish there were more Boglins in ball form. Last but not least is the least original of the crew, The Claw. If he doesn't look like Slobulus I don't know who the hell does. The green skin color, the hanging eye, the creepy oddly spaced teeth. The only differences between the two are his really cool soft looking exposed brain and again his lone eyebrow. Seperated at birth? Maybe death. The Claw is lacking the greasy hair that Slobulus has but the similarities are too much to be ignored. Like Slobulus found a pod with an alien that was trying to assimilate him but wasn't quite done. Had it had more time it would've looked and acted just like Slobulus.

In conclusion, though a big smaller than Madballs, and painted poorly, these dudes are a steal for a single dollar! The sculpts are amazing with a lot of really fine details and interesting stylizations. They hold up well because of the rubber they're made from and they do squirt water, if you're into that sort of thing. Buy them!