Blood On the Ice

"Obnoxious and Gross!"

I've never used my Madballs for sport. As a kid they would get thrown AT someone but never to them, or they played the part of giant spherical monsters that Cobra employed to constantly harass G.I. Joes with barf and boogers. As an adult, my Madballs (and rip offs...don't ever forget the rip offs) sit majestically on shelves as an homage to children's gross out culture of the 1980's (one nickel will get you into the Bukowski Madball Museum). Point being, they never got tossed around in a game of catch or baseball, they were usually used mischevously. TCFC designed a toy that would be perfect for misbehaving little boys and girls. We all knew instinctively to peg little Jimmy in the back of the head with Oculus Orbus or try to get the bolt on Touchdown Terror's nose (the hardest part) to hit your sister directly in the spine. Well, this hockey stick made in conjunction with the 2007 Madball line is a testament to the spirit of misbehavior.

That's right. A padded hockey stick (and puck) with monster faces printed on it! You could use it to pretend you're on the ice in your parents living room, but most likely you'll be thwapping someone in the back of the knees with this bad boy!

Sal got me this at a Marshall's (of all places!) as a surprise. I was super pumped because this harkens back to the days of Madball merchandising mania (folders, lunchboxes, cups, mugs, sleeping bags) where their ugly likenesses were plastered on anything and everything. The more I thought of it, though, the more disappointed I am that this wasn't more like the Gruesome Creatures wiffle bats. Those were molded plastic with HUGE monster faces on them. Kinda like Madballs but in bat form. It would be really cool if TCFC broke the baseball/football mold and started making pucks, basketball hoops, etc with sculpted monster faces. Oh well.

This set is fun and I'm sure any nerdy kid would love it. It's not the sturdiest thing in the world (which is good for whoever's on the receiving end of it) but it's cool because it's basically a vehicle for the sweet Madball design art. Repvile takes center stage, with his ugly mug occupying boths sides of the puck, and the stick is graced with the revamped versions of Slobulus, Skull Face, and Screamin' Meemie !

Upon closer inspection, it looks like this set was made this year and by Kellytoy who make nothing else I want. It is encouraging to see that Madball merch is still being made. Maybe that Series 3 really will come out....sigh.

In conclusion, pretty fun. Mostly for the absurdity of what it is and where it was found. I really do wish it was sculpted though. Thanks Sal!!!!

The Land Of the Retching Sun

"ホラーボール 悪魔の目玉"

Oh man! Japan loves Madballs. There are tons of Madball inspired vinyl collectibles but they're usually wayyyy outside my price range and have bodies and stuff. Not monster headed balls, strictly speaking. The triple feature I've got lined up for today, however, are straight up ugly faced balls without extraneous arms and legs.

The first two sets of dudes were purchased when Gom-Taro (an online toy store) was having a 70% off going out of business sale. Given the usual price of Japanese toys, I pounced on this opportunity.
We'll start with Takara's Horror Balls. Well, actually, as far as I can tell the second set are called Horror Balls too, but that's because I can't read a lick of Japanese. But these first dudes are pretty crazy pencil top "erasers", though I haven't attempted to use them as such.

The packaging is neat! It's got lots of splats and drips and even a cool looking bat. Unfortunately, it also has that little racist caricature (which is Takara's mascot). Siggghhhhhh.....These dudes are numbered and the highest I've seen is 18, but it seems like there's really only three sculpts in different color variations. The back of the package has a cool coupon that I wish I could cash in at Shop Rite. "Yeah, I'll take some kale, some soy milk and a disgusting Japanese Madball rip off." It shows you how to use them too, which is absurd. I don't think anyone would mistake these for anything other than toys that go on the ends of pencils. Like, you can't unclog a drain with them or ride one down the street. Anyway, let's check them out up close.
I don't know what any of their names are so we're gonna call this dude, Metric Menace. I should say that these three Horror Balls are academically themed, which is funny. "School can be gross kids! You don't just need to play with your vomit inducing grotesqueries at home anymore!" Metric Menace is a geometry themed vampire, made up of rulers and triangles and whatnot. I guess just plain old stitches and wonky eyes were too lowbrow for Takara.Up next is Pencil Pusher. He's the grossest of the bunch with a swollen eye, crooked teeth and blue barf! His academic theme is....pencil's. I like his little eraser nose, it's cute but not too cute. All of them also have some sort of clear plastic right eye and a tiny nub or button on the top of their heads. If I could read kanji or hiragana, I'd probably be able to explain what the hell both are for. Alas, I can't, so....maybe it's a lazer eye? When in doubt, go for lazer eye.
Our last dude is a sloppy mess...in two ways. First off, I can't make out what the hell is goin on with his face. I think he's supposed to be scarred where his left eye would have been, but its hard to say. I also had a hard time figuring out what his theme was. Turns out it's text books (Book Worm!). Kinda obvies but a little dumb. B, his paint is terrible. These things came out in the 80's and mine were still sealed when I got them and his silver paint was still tacky! Whatever, I still think these are awesome, android-esque school related Madball knock offs and well worth the money I paid for them. I've seen Book Worm on Ebay for $50 which I'd say is toooo much. So try to find a Japanese online toy store that's having a going out of business sale. Yeesh. Our second batch are more traditional pencil top eraser ugly balls that arrived in unmarked plastic bags. These are a tiny bit smaller than the first set but the same size as the Eraser Bouncing Bad Bad Balls. I'm really like these dudes. Their psychadellic coloring and snaggle teeth are really awesome. I think the first is some sort of old man vampire (Old Manpire) and the second is a Screemin Meemie-esque insane face. That third dude, though, he's my favorite. He's a drunk deformed gorilla (Gore-illa!)!
Next up are two of the same dudes in different colors. I can see some Aargh influence there with the drooping eye but he's got those beever teeth! Buck Tooth Terrance looks pretty gross in flesh colored but the translucent blue with red teeth and yellow eyes make him look downright Lovecraftian!

I would totally recommend these to buy but I have no idea where you'd get them now. Sorry.
Last but certainly not least is this horrible beauty of a keychain from Psycho Wheels (which I think is a Japanese motorcylce fetish accesory store). The sculptor signed the back as (and is noted as such on the Psycho Wheels website) Sketch but I can't seem to find any other info on him, though he has designed 3 or 4 other keychains for them. This one is a Rat Fink/Madballs mash up and what a doosey it is. Stitched shut and bulging eyes combined with Big Daddy Roth style jagged teeth and floppy tongue! These highly detailed monstrosities come in 6 different colors and one will only set you back about $30. Oh god, I'm obsessed. However, it is a really cool design and made of a hard durable plastic.

In conclusion, if you like Madballs and you like Japanese toys and you have some extra money to spend all these little dudes are awesome!

Speak Of the Devils

"Horrible Series"

The new line of Madballs re-piqued my interest in monster-shaped balls, but it was actually these awful dudes that got me into the spiraling world of knock offs. Squirt Devil's are available (even still) at every Dollar Tree I've been to, and are surprisingly cool. I still don't know why they're called Squirt Devils though. They are hollow rubber that you can fill with water to "squirt" at friends, but none of them are devils, or even demons. I guess Squirt Monsters didn't sound as good?

If you can make your way past the broken frames and cheap dish soap to the toy aisle in your local Dollar Tree, you may still be deceived by the Squirt Devil packaging. Not a single solitary package is uncrushed. Which makes it look like you're buying a red piece of "fake vomit" with a rip off Madball logo. I still can't figure out why this is. Other items at dollar tree are fine, but ALL of these are squished in the same way. Perhaps the vacuum sealing at the factory worked too well? But fear not intrepid monster ball purchaser, they will resume their spherical form once released from their plastic prison! There is something else misleading about the packaging. The image in the upper right suggests you fill these idiots with water, then they explode when squeezed. Not so. They have one hole in their mouths or eyes that shoots water, not five.

One thing that isn't a lie is the "Horrible Series" moniker. There is another set that is more like the "Sick Series" of Madballs, where you squeeze them and brains or gross pops out of a spot in their heads. Lame. As I've stated before, I hate that kind of tacky dust-collecting rubber. The odd thing is that those are called "Crazy Ballz" and are also in the "Horrible Series". Maybe that is a lie? I don't get it. OK, let's get to the dudes.

First up is the Crack Head (Bash Brain) imitation I've dubbed Frankie. All these sculpts are pretty cool and very well detailed despite very limited paint jobs. Frankie has the protruding eye and exposed brain of Crack Head but also some stitches, sloughing skin, hair, and a sinister grin. The color is almost exactly the same as the revamp of Bash Brain from 07, but he still has his own charm. The designer that sculpted these definitely had his own style.
Sniffles is next on our list. He seems to be the least derivative of all the Devils ans looks more like a straight zombie than any Madball or imitation I've seen. Maybe it's the sunken cheeks and exposed teeth? He's also got a LOT of sloughing skin and general slime. This paint job is particularly bad though. I'm assuming that's an eyebrow and NOT a caterpillar above his left eye but that color makes it hard to tell. And is that a piece of skull or a pyramid coming out of his head (all these shots are face, one side and top of head at the end)?
Bounce-bounce is my favorite. He's also less plagiarized than some of the others and looks like a general monster. I really like the bizarre Klingon-esque ridge atop his head. The screw that goes all the way through is a ice touch as well as his slimey face. Come to think of it, his face reminds me a lot of a Boglin. I like that. I wish there were more Boglins in ball form. Last but not least is the least original of the crew, The Claw. If he doesn't look like Slobulus I don't know who the hell does. The green skin color, the hanging eye, the creepy oddly spaced teeth. The only differences between the two are his really cool soft looking exposed brain and again his lone eyebrow. Seperated at birth? Maybe death. The Claw is lacking the greasy hair that Slobulus has but the similarities are too much to be ignored. Like Slobulus found a pod with an alien that was trying to assimilate him but wasn't quite done. Had it had more time it would've looked and acted just like Slobulus.

In conclusion, though a big smaller than Madballs, and painted poorly, these dudes are a steal for a single dollar! The sculpts are amazing with a lot of really fine details and interesting stylizations. They hold up well because of the rubber they're made from and they do squirt water, if you're into that sort of thing. Buy them!

Bells and Whistles

"To Avoid The Shar Matter & Point"

The success and endurance of the monster shaped ball is not a difficult thing to wrap your head around. Kids like to throw stuff. Kids like monsters. COMBINE THEM! YES! Young Mike is happy (and subsequently old Mike)! Things get weird when you try to throw a bunch of other useless crap in there. While Rude Ralph IS amazing, it's to his detriment that you can't throw him BUT his eye and noises are pretty cool. It's also pretty cool that Squirt Devils shoot water, but Head Poppers were too fragile to be knocked about. What I'm getting at is, you can add some stuff to the monster-faced ball equation, but you're taking a risk when you do.

Which brings us to these dudes. Simply named "Monster Ball" (note: singular), whoever made these decided to make them light up. It turns out this actually worked. Too bad for the nameless bootleggers that everything else about Monster Ball sucks. These dudes are crappy. They're made from semi sticky rubber, they're poorly painted and about half didn't work. More importantly, they were rip off designs OF ALREADY EXISTING RIP OFFS! (We'll compare later.)

The only way I've seen these dum-dums for sale was by the box-load on Ebay. I've been tempted for a while but knew I didn't really need them AT ALL, much less a box of 12. I made myself feel ok about this by having my brother buy them for me after doing an illustration for his band, Barfly. Conscience at ease.
As it turns out, the acid trip of a package is one of the more entertaining things about Monster Ball. The whole sha-bang reminds me of fireworks packaging. "Monster Ball" is totally just a font with some curvy stuff goin on and some drips added for grossness. The real mystery is the pattern IN the letters. It almost looks like calendar pages shrunk down and run through some filters. It adds mystery to the whole thing if you start asking "what calendar"? It could be a hunky fireman calendar, a Kuddly Kittens one, The Far Side or even the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar.

You may also notice the star light shooting out of fake Aargh's nose. That is NOT how they light up. It's more of an inner glow than a lazer light show. This version of the dude also has no pupil. This is hard for me to understand because the actual toy DOES have a pupil which means someone took it out for the package. "Screw those dudes, they don't get to see his full eye until they buy the box!" say the mystery manufacturers.

Ok, get ready. Take a deep breath. Release. Now read the cautionary text. "To avoid the shar matter & point". WHAT?! I tried really hard to come up with something funny and clever that those words are supposed to mean, but I have nothing. I can't fathom what I'm supposed to be careful about or how I'm supposed to avoid shar matter. Is that like...no. I can't do it. I can't even laugh it off. I am a bit scared of these things now. Like in the middle of the night they'll explode sending soft rubber flying through my torso. The package also reads "safe" though.

Which brings us to our last and most alluring mystery of the packaging. There is NO info at ALL about who the hell made these buggers. No copyright, no date, no nothing. No fine print anywhere and I even pulled the box apart. There's not even anything stamped on the balls themselves! Maybe they're not copyrighted because they're STOLEN molds?!
This first goofball is a rip off of a nameless guy I've seen before but who I don't really know anything about. You can see him here in the bottom left of this bin. As with all of these they're sculpted ok but not nearly as good as the guys that inspired them.
This guy I know a little more about because I actually own the dude he's based off of. In the Weirdo Toys blog about Sadballs they dubbed him Blood Bulge.
Now I would think the similarity could be an accident cus hes a skull-ish monster with pointy teeth but he does have one eye bigger than the other and his incisors painted differently than the rest of his teeth.
LOOK AT THAT. Same three lines under the skull nose!
That brings us to our last dude. He's a rip off of Lace Face who's a knock off of the Madball Argh who's the most imitated of all those original dudes. Look at his family history!
In fact, I don't know why I'm angry that ANY of these dudes are imitations of imitations. Maybe it's the laziness that disappoints me? You couldn't even make your own crappy sculpts?!
Anyway, the lighting is their ONLY cool feature. Up above you can see how they light up. NOT like a Terminator eye, more like an E.T. glow. I thing this part is kinda cool. The lights inside flicker too. However, it doesn't make up for the lack of trying in other departments.

In conclusion, AVOID AT ALL COSTS, unless you're an anal retentive collector like me.

Bounce Ball Mania!!

"Spook your friends with assorted monster balls."

Madballs in miniature! I love monster faced bouncy balls. They're usually sturdier than Madballs and actually usable as a bouncy ball. This weeks post is about three sets of the little buggers. Unfortunately, I know next to nothing about the first two groups because they were bought from wholesalers or with no packaging. The first set are super small, at an inch in diameter. Most of these are really cool and the few clunkers are so weird they're worth having.

OK, I put my three favs first, which may ruin the rest for you but whatever. I'm always a big fan of eye ball toys, a glorious tradition hailing back to Oculus Orbus, and this one is no exception. It's pretty gross. It's bloodshot for one thing and the lid is pretty heavy, so it's a mutant or stoned. If you add the weird bubbly mebrane engulphing the rest of him, I would have to vote for mutant. I guess stoned mutant would work too.

The next dude is great! It's surprising to me that there aren't more pumpkin themed Sadballs. It seems like an obvious design. This one is a skull/pumpkin hybrid with gnarly teeth and heavy red bags under his eyes. He's also grinning...soooo he may be stoned too.

Now this one is the best of the bunch! I love gorgons too! The original Madball design of Snake Bait is the pinacle of gorgon Madballology, but this little lady is no slacker. She looks like a little gramma with her babushka and puffy wrinkled face, but there's snakes under there! Well, that and her fangs and pointy tongue. She's even got a few snakes on the back of her head. Which is oddley the only detail ANY of these have on the reverse side. She doesn't look high but she also looks like she may be using magic to make whatever it is those other dudes are using.

This fourth guy is the grossest of the bunch! Like a bounce ball Freddy Krueger, with a cracked nose that has grub crawling out of it! I imagine he was injured in a magic meth fire the gorgon started. This is a level of gross that usually doesn't make it onto Madballs. It almost looks like real mutilation, not cartoon stitches.

His buddy is a shrunken head that looks like a mini version of Shrunk Punk (oh what could have been...sighhhh). The mouth stitched shut and the bone through the nose are pretty cool. I'm also a big fan of his different crazy eyes!

Big Blue (yeah I started naming them to help) is next on the list and is where things get kinda odd. He's not too odd himself (he's a crazy blue monster/demon with a weird tongue) but he's the gateway to the next two nerds. Design-wise anyway. We're in generic "monster" territory now, but with no referance material these guys came out wrong.
Ohhhh man. Mellow Yellow and TicTac Teeth. It looked like they were goin for a skull or something with Mellow, but WHAT THE HELL IS ON HIS FACE?! Is that a sentient beard?! Is it a bat that he tried to eat? Maybe a gray squid? I'm really at a loss here. There's nothing to indicate what that is on an otherwise "regular" skull design. Maybe the sculptor dropped him while he was working on him and didn't have time to fix him so he just painted the mess-up gray? Is it supposed to be barf? GAH!?

I guess Tic Tac Teeth is a goblin but I don't know why he's got a clown nose. If you're invited to a costume party and you're a goblin, do you even bother with a fake nose? Or do you lie and tell ladies you're really hot under your super kick-ass orc costume? His facial muscles don't make any sense either but that may be me asking too much.

In conclusion, get these dudes! They're cheap, they bounce and they look cool! While the paint jobs are actually quite good for something this small, every once in a while they're off. So be wary. You can buy em here!

I picked up the next six idiots at Toy Joy, one of the best toy stores in the world. Actually, I got four of them and my friend Alexis sent me the other two. They look more like mutants or aliens than monsters but I guess that's a fine line.

These "Super" bouncy balls, measuring at about 2" in diamter and bouncing like nobody's business! Their paint jobs and bright colors are really cool and add to the mutant angle. It looks like the rubber was just swirled and then they painted on top of that, so no two are exactly the same but the general colors are consistent.
We'll start with my favorites again. Monster Cat has a pretty cool color scheme going on and makes me think of a monster from some low budget 80's schlock staring Linnea Quigley.

Then there's this skull demon from hell! I feel like he's laughing at my suffering. Parts of his "brain" are exposed and some other cool detailed bits.

My absolute favorite is this C.H.U.D. looking thing. I really like the purple/black combo and his disgusting yellow eyes. His tiny pointy teeth look dangerous and he's got a rugous skin texture that seems reminiscent of muscle tissue.

OK, now these two are a bit strange. Corncob Teeth is the yellow dude that just kinda seems to be thinking about eating you. The furrowed brow, the half smile and the contemplative eyes...I also don't think he's got enough room in his mouth for you AND his teeth.

Camo Croc has a similar problem but at least his teeth aren't discolored and blunt. He's cooler than Corncob Teeth but still just kinda "meh".

Our last dude is a bit of a curve-ball because he's a representation of a Grim Reaper. All the other dudes are generic but stylistic monsters, and then this nerd comes along and is actually recognizable as a cultural icon. A lumpy and asymmetrical one at that!

Overall, COOL!
These last dudes aren't really a collectible set, they're just some gross bouncy eyes in about four different color combinations. My favorite feature is that the eye part glows in the dark! They're made by a British toy company called Tobar that makes a TON of different stuff but these seem to be their only foray into monster ball territory. These guys remind me of our stoned mutant eyeball from that first set but about the size and style of the second group.

These guys are awesome. Well sculpted, gross, glow in the dark and detailed. My only complaint is that the paint on the pupil chips really easily. I noticed that its actually bubbled on the top and bottom center of just about every one. You win some you lose some.

SO! Three time conclusion! Get all of these. They bounce and are super weird/disgusting. They will freak out your sister and piss off your dad! AND they're all cheap and readily available. GO!

UPDATE!!

I just found this ad for those little dudes while doing a time killing monster ball google search.

Something Old, Something New, Both Things Weird

"High-Bouncing Pencil Top Erasers"

In this week's post I'll be showing you Madball rip-offs of the original 80's line and some rip-offs of the 2007 line.
First off we have some gems which were found by Jeanne D'Angelo (who did the Blarghhhspot logo) at Time Passages Nostaligia's website. They're called Eraser-Bouncing Bad Bad Balls and the packaging is so crappy that it's great. It seriously looks like a retarded box turtle with a limited palette painted it. None of them even look like the toys included....they barely look like actual Madballs. And while I guess these aren't direct imitations, the drawings make it seem like there was definitely an attempt to cash in on the Madball craze in miniature form. I'm assuming vendors bought a few boxes of these and dumped them into a quarter machine? That's a pretty good deal for 25 cents. AND you can use them 3 different ways; as a gross thing to freak out your sister (as long as she can see small things really well), as a bouncy ball, and as a pencil top eraser! I also have no idea who made them. The only text on the packaging is "copyright D.V.S. 1987". Oh well, let's have a closer look. This first guy is pretty cool for such a tiny (3/4 of an inch?) toy. He's got a grimace, and ugly face...and A FROG ON HIS EYE! I don't know if you can see it at this size but it's pretty cool and very very strange. I also think the frog's eye is also supposed to double as the monster head's eye. Next to him, is a dude with a lamprey type mouth. Cool, but nothing too exciting. Then there's the gorgon which may be my favorite of this bunch. She's a buck toothed witch with a single snake poking its head over her brow.
The next three aren't too stand out, but still way cool for their style and the level of detail. The first is some sort of psychotic space clown, followed by a different lamprey mouth, and bringing up the rear is an.......elephant? He's not even a crazy elephant. He's just kinda there. A bit ugly but not even like super gross out ugly.

I don't know how well they function as erasers but as monster balls and bouncy balls (I accidentally dropped one when setting them in a display case which sent my cat into a frenzy) they work perfectly.

Overall, these dude's rule. Even though there's not much to them and they aren't especially gross, they have an 80's monster design charm. And honestly the weird poorly drawn packaging alone was worth it.


Just as 80's Madballs spawned a slew of imitations, so has the 2007 relaunch. And from what I've seen the newer fakes are far more successful. This line of uglies from Amscan is called Eye Poppers. Their take on the gross ball idea was to make actual sports balls and stick floaty eyes in them that pop out when you squeeze. I found a ton of them at Party City here in Philly for 3$ each! One thing I hate about modern Madballs and the fakes, is the "Sick Series" style of ball. When you squeeze them and their brains or blood or eyes bulge out of the head. Usually the rubber is sticky and collects dust like a dust collecting thing. Eye Poppers, however, are made out of a squeezable non-disgusting rubber and are actually sculpted really well. They all have gross "arghh" faces with about 3-4 different paint colors, which seem to be on there pretty well. Like, the color for the teeth isn't on the cheek or anything, which is the problem with Squirt Devils.
It was a bit of a challenge to find some nice ones because their "packaging" consists of a white bit of mesh and a small tag. Some were sad sad balls with missing eyes, punctures, and eyes with no water in them.
There are some subtle details in these that make me really like them. The basketball and the soccer both have the faces sewn to them and the football has some nasty veins near its eyes, like he's SUPER angry. They're all really angry looking actually, probably from being kicked around and touched by dirty little kids with sticky hands and dried up boogers on their faces.
Now for the fun part. When you squeeze them their eyes pop out! They're googly eyes that roll all around. Actually, I think Amscan must've come into millions of those eyes because many of their products feature them. These are the cream of the crop of wannabes. They're taking an idea in a slightly different direction while still maintaining gross-out-ability, they're sculpted well, and they're cheap!